Just me...what you see is what you get

I am hear listening to "my song", Alive and Awake by Skillet( see lyrics at the end of this) and it prompted me to blog. This year I decided (with the conviction of the Lord of course) to be me, 100% all natural me. My only accountability that I need is Jesus and my husband Joe. When I was growing up, I lived in a "perfect" world with a "perfect" family. I know that many people can relate to what I am saying. My mom never rested during the day, at least not the I can recall. The house was spotless cause you never knew who might drop by or who was watching. Us children had to have clean faces and fresh clothes. Heaven forbid we get dirty. Me, well I was the black sheep and took the title seriously. I never felt like I matched up to the rest of the family. Well after 20 plus years of flakeness I completely crashed. I have been cracking the shell for a while, but now the shell is gone. In January 2010 I started a new devotion about taking off the mask and loving myself the way the Lord loves me. That was a hard devotion, but over the course of a few weeks that Lord started to soften my heart little by little. My biggest struggle was stemmed from this verse: Psalm 139:17-18 How precious also are your thoughts to me, O God. How great is the sum of them! If I should count them, they would be more in number than the sand. When I awake, I am still with you. I couldn't get past this question. How could the Lord love and think about me as much it says He does in His word, when everyone else could claim those verses. I couldn't personalize this verse. I prayed my way through it and the Lord changed my perspective. He let me know that I can personalize this verse and so can everyone else, because the depth of His love towards His children cannot be measured or understood. He is now beginning to move mountains in my life. It has been a challenge but I am enjoying the freedom I am experiencing. I realize through all this that I need to fall in love with myself the way the Lord has. He created me the way He planned from the beginning. How awesome is our God. It blows me away that God is that big hearted to have a bazillion thoughts for each on us all the time. The best thing is that when He created everyone none of us are the same. No duplicates, not even twins. Praise you Lord for your creativity. I am enjoying myself. I am continuing to find out who Christina is and I really like her. She is a follower of Christ, a devoted wife, and a dedicated mother of two beautiful children. Thank you Jesus for the blood You spilled on the cross. You hung there for me, for all the sins you knew I was gonna commit. Thank you for forgiving me for not being who I was created to be. Thank you for working hard on me. At times I wanted to pull my hair out cause life was too hard, but as always You were faithful to help me overcome. I love myself more and more everyday. Thank you Lord Jesus for freedom I am experiencing. In your mighty name I pray. Amen!


Awake And Alive lyrics

V1
I’m at war with the world and they
Try to pull me into the dark
I struggle to find my faith
As I’m slippin’ from your arms

It’s getting harder to stay awake
And my strength is fading fast
You breathe into me at last

Chorus
I’m awake I’m alive
Now I know what I believe inside
Now it’s my time
I’ll do what I want ’cause this is my life
here, right now
I’ll stand my ground and never back down
I know what I believe inside
I’m awake and I’m alive

V2
I’m at war with the world cause I
Ain’t never gonna sell my soul
I’ve already made up my mind
No matter what I can’t be bought or sold

When my faith is getting weak
And I feel like giving in
You breathe into me again

Bridge
Waking up waking up

In the dark
I can feel you in my sleep
In your arms I feel you breathe into me
Forever hold this heart that I will give to you
Forever I will live for you




The second hurdle is to be blogged about later, I am on a journey and I am gonna share it later.